I'm a girl with her 'head screwed on'. I'm a girl who is 'sensible'. I'm a girl with 'my feet on the ground'.
These are the things I hear about myself, the things I sometimes even feel about myself. When I hear these words I don't feel proud to be the 'sensible' one. I don't feel grateful for the labels bestowed upon me.
I am well aware of my realistic approach to life. My head is never in the clouds, I am not frivolous, I do not impulse buy, I am happiest when I know I have savings stashed away for emergencies.
For all these things I am both grateful and resentful.
For all these things, I do not live in the present.
My life is endless planning, saving, worrying, dreaming of the things I want that will take me years to achieve. I am forever planning for the next catastrophe, always on the edge of my seat waiting for the next thing to happen.
When will I be content? To not worry about the future or revise the past.
To just be present.
'Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?'
Matthew 6 25-27